Chapter 25.
Life is a continuous journey, and transition is the intentional path from your present reality to your desired future. This journey empowers you to make choices based on clear moral ethics, recognising that transformative change occurs one deliberate decision at a time. It’s about vividly seeing yourself on the “other side of the river,” a vision so motivating that you are compelled to jump. Difficult situations may come your way, but they don’t define you. It is the powerful actions you choose that ultimately create the person you aspire to be.
The concept of present moment awareness, explored by Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now, offers a lens through which to understand the ‘here’ in our chapter title. Tolle argues that true transformation begins not by dwelling on the past or anxiously anticipating the future, but by fully inhabiting the present moment. This ‘here’ is not merely a geographical location, but a state of being—the immediate, unfiltered reality of our experience.
When we are fully present, we become acutely aware of our current circumstances, our internal state, and the choices available to us. This clarity, unclouded by past regrets or future anxieties, is essential for intentional decision-making. By grounding ourselves in the ‘now,’ we gain the perspective needed to discern the most ethical path forward. It is from this place of heightened awareness that we can begin to jump towards our desired future, making our choices impactful and our transitions meaningful.
This truth—that our response to circumstances, rather than the circumstances themselves, defines us—is nowhere more powerfully illustrated than in Viktor Frankl’s work, Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl, drawing from his experiences in Nazi concentration camps, observed that even in the most unimaginable suffering, the ultimate freedom lay in the individual’s ability to choose their attitude. While external situations may strip away almost everything, they cannot take away this inner liberty.
It is this core tenet that underpins the chapter’s assertion that “situations may come your way, they don’t define you; it is the powerful actions you choose that ultimately create the person you aspire to be”. Frankl’s concept of “logotherapy” further illuminates this path, as he posited that the primary human motivation is the search for meaning. When individuals find a compelling “why,” they are endowed with the resilience to endure almost any “how”. A strong sense of purpose can act as the current that compels individuals to “jump” towards a desired future. By consciously seeking and embracing meaning, we unlock an inner strength that transforms obstacles into opportunities and empowers us to shape our destiny.
To truly navigate this journey, it is vital to understand the psychological landscape of change itself. William Bridges, in his work Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, distinguishes between change (an external event) and transition (the internal process of coming to terms with that change). He outlines three phases: an ending, a neutral zone, and a new beginning. Recognising these phases allows us to approach transition with greater patience and self-compassion, understanding that discomfort is a natural part of the process, and that purposeful engagement is key to moving forward effectively.
Building on this understanding, Richard Boyatzis’s Intentional Change Theory provides a framework for actively shaping one’s desired future. Boyatzis posits that sustainable personal transformation requires a deliberate process. It begins with clarifying one’s “Ideal Self,” followed by an honest assessment of the “Real Self”. The “Learning Agenda” then emerges, outlining the knowledge and skills needed to bridge the gap. His theory emphasises “Experimentation,” taking small, deliberate actions and learning from their outcomes, reinforcing that “transformative change occurs one deliberate decision at a time”. This intentional process empowers individuals to actively “create the person you aspire to be”.
The power to “jump” towards a desired future finds resonance in Simon Sinek’s work, particularly his emphasis on starting with “Why”. In Start with Why, Sinek argues that people are inspired not by what you do, but by why you do it. For personal transition, this translates to understanding the core purpose behind your desired future. When this “why” is clear, it generates an intrinsic motivation that transcends mere obligation. The experience of being deeply engaged in this purposeful pursuit is what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as “flow” in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. When we are in a state of flow, our skills are matched to the challenge at hand and we experience a sense of enjoyment. Cultivating this state during transition can make the journey itself deeply rewarding, reinforcing the drive to continue.
The capacity to make choices based on clear moral ethics is intertwined with the interplay of emotion and reason. Antonio Damasio, in Descartes’ Error, challenges the traditional view that emotions are detrimental to rational decision-making. He argues that emotions play a role in guiding our choices. Building on this, Daniel Goleman’s work on Emotional Intelligence highlights the importance of understanding and managing our emotions. Cultivating emotional intelligence allows individuals to navigate the anxieties of change and to make ethical decisions that are not only logically sound but also emotionally resonant and aligned with deeply held values.
The essence of making ethical choices and shaping “the person you aspire to be” draws from foundational moral philosophies. Aristotle, in his Nicomachean Ethics, presents a virtue-based approach, arguing that ethical living is about cultivating virtuous character traits through consistent practice. For Aristotle, becoming a good person is not merely about following rules, but about developing virtues through repeated actions. In contrast, Immanuel Kant, in his Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals, offers a duty-based ethical framework. Kant emphasises the importance of acting from a sense of moral duty, guided by universal principles. His concept of the Categorical Imperative suggests that we should act only according to rules that we would want to become universal laws. These philosophical perspectives provide a foundation for understanding how our choices during transition are not just practical steps but ethical acts that shape both our individual character and our impact on the world.
The journey of transition is fundamentally about the evolution of the self. Robert Kegan, in The Evolving Self, offers a theory of adult development that illuminates how our very way of making meaning transforms over the lifespan. Kegan describes stages where individuals move from being embedded in their circumstances to constructing their own internal authority. This concept speaks to the idea that “situations may come your way, they don’t define you,” as it highlights our capacity to develop more complex ways of making sense of our experiences.
Navigating this “wild new world” of transition, as Martha Beck explores in Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, requires both inner wisdom and external engagement. Beck provides practical tools for shedding old patterns and embracing new paths. This involves a form of “crucial conversations,” a concept detailed by Kerry Patterson et al. in Crucial Conversations. While focused on interpersonal communication, the principles of these conversations—identifying high-stakes moments, managing emotions, and creating mutual understanding—are applicable to the internal dialogue we have with ourselves during transition. These insights collectively underscore that transition is a holistic process, demanding strategic action, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, ethical grounding, and a willingness to engage with the unknown.
Next Chapter: Humanism: Learning and Living
Bibliography
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. (Various editions).
Beck, Martha. Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Life Lessons from the Edge of Change. Free Press, 2012.
Boyatzis, Richard. Intentional Change Theory. (Referenced as a theoretical framework, often found in academic papers and leadership development literature).
Bridges, William. Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Addison-Wesley, 1980.
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. HarperPerennial, 1990.
Damasio, Antonio R. Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Putnam, 1994.
Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press, 1946.
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books, 1995.
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Kegan, Robert. The Evolving Self: Problem and Process in Human Development. Harvard University Press, 1982.
Patterson, Kerry, et al. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. McGraw-Hill, 2002.
Sinek, Simon. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. Portfolio/Penguin, 2011.
Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. New World Library, 1999.